Disagreements and conflict are inevitable in both personal and professional relationships. How you communicate during conflict can determine whether relationships deteriorate or strengthen through the process. With mindful communication tactics, you can navigate conflict in constructive ways.
Listen Actively
When tensions are high, the instinct is often to focus on expressing your own perspective. But productive conflict resolution starts with active listening.
- Give your full attention to truly understanding the other person’s viewpoint, without thinking about your response.
- Clarify details by paraphrasing back statements to confirm comprehension. Ask thoughtful follow-up questions.
- Observe nonverbal cues like facial expressions and body language for underlying emotions.
- Avoid interrupting. Let them speak until they feel fully heard. This diffuses emotional intensity.
- Express empathy and appreciation when they share vulnerabilities. “I can understand why you would feel upset in that situation.”
Listening calmly and validating the other’s perspective sets the stage for rational dialogue.
Express Your Perspective
Once the other person feels listened to, clearly communicate your own perspective on the situation.
- State your viewpoint using “I” language versus accusatory “you” statements. For example, “I felt concerned when the report didn’t address client feedback.”
- Share how the situation impacted you factually, without assigning blame.
- Explain your underlying needs that factor into your perspective. For example, needing structure, planning, or open communication.
- Take ownership for any role you played in the disagreement without self-criticizing.
- Offer to brainstorm solutions together going forward.
Sticking to how you think and feel prevents escalating conflict while opening the door to compromise.
Find the Root Cause
Often surface-level disagreements reflect deeper root cause issues that must be addressed. Dig beneath the superficial.
- Explore what core concerns, values, or wounds from past experiences might be at play.
- Discuss whether you have conflicting communication or work styles.
- Consider broader systemic issues contributing, like role ambiguity, lack of support, or poor process design.
- Ask clarifying questions to uncover what someone really needs in a situation.
Identifying fundamental issues allows you to resolve not just the symptom but the source of recurring conflicts.
Look For Common Ground
In many disagreements, common ground exists, even if small areas of overlap initially.
- Reinforce shared goals, priorities, or concerns that unite you at a high level.
- Note values you both share, like integrity, compassion, dedication, or openness.
- Find areas where you agree in principle or outcome, even if disagreeing on methods.
- Appreciate shared hopes and intentions, even amidst misunderstandings of action.
- If struggling, get an outside perspective to help highlight commonalities.
Emphasizing commonalities breeds cooperation and willingness to find solutions.
Manage Emotions Constructively
Emotions like anger, fear, or hurt often arise during conflict. Handling them constructively is critical.
- Note rising emotions without reacting. If needed, take a break and regroup.
- Be self-aware of your own hot buttons and triggers. Manage these tendencies.
- Speak to the emotion behind words. “I sense this issue has caused some resentment over time.”
- If emotions take over, refocus on specific facts of the situation once calm.
- Model vulnerability and calmness to create psychological safety for healthy dialogue.
Regulating emotions prevents hijacking productive communication during tense moments.
Brainstorm Solutions Together
Ultimately, the goal is resolving the situation through compromise. Jointly brainstorm ways forward.
- Set expectations that you both must be flexible to find a mutually-agreeable outcome.
- Propose multiple options thinking creatively. Avoid absolutist language like “never” and “always”.
- Build on each other’s ideas to integrate insights from both perspectives.
- Evaluate alternatives against your shared interests and principles.
- Agree on next steps and commitments from each party. Document action plans.
Seeking win-win resolutions uncovers pathways aligned with everyone’s core needs.
Table: Communication Tips for Resolving Conflict
| Dos | Don’ts |
|---|---|
| Actively listen to understand their perspective | Interrupt or think about your response |
| Use “I” language to express your viewpoint | Blame or attack the other person |
| Identify underlying root cause issues | Focus just on surface-level disagreements |
| Reinforce common ground and shared goals | Assume you have entirely oppositional views |
| Regulate emotions and model calmness | Let emotions control the conversation |
| Jointly brainstorm creative solutions | Expect it to be your way or the highway |
Frequently Asked Questions
What if the other person is getting aggressive and won’t let me speak?
Calmly insist on your chance to communicate without escalating aggression. If needed, pause the discussion until cooler heads prevail. Once re-engaged, set ground rules for taking turns and avoiding personal attacks.
What should I do if a conflict resolution conversation starts going in circles?
Note the repetitive pattern politely, and suggest redirecting to find aspects you haven’t sufficiently discussed yet. Ask if they would be open to bringing in an impartial mediator to facilitate.
How can I tell if a conflict requires outside intervention to resolve?
If tensions continue rising after multiple attempts at productive dialogue, or conversations stall out without progress, consider involving a neutral party. Unresolved conflicts that sabotage objectives also warrant elevated intervention.
How do I call out unhelpful behavior without attacking the person?
Use “I” statements to factually describe the problematic behavior and impact. For example, “When you interrupt me, I feel like I’m not being heard.” Then redirect to how they could demonstrate the respect or support you need.
What communication strategies work well over email for conflict resolution?
Email lacks vocal tone and gestures, so exhaust other options first if possible. If emailing, avoid strong language. Use bullet points to logically explain perspectives. Close with clear next steps and offer to discuss further.
